You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
