my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
