This dress was meant to end up on your floor
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
