I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
