Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
