At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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