me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
