just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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