I'm eating all of the evidence.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
