nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
