i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
