You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
