I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
