If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
