i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
