Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Boobs speak an international language.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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