Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
