Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You may now shotgun with the bride
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
