White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
