A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
