I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
