I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
