theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We don't watch enough power rangers
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
