I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
