can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
