I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
