just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just forgot I was standing up.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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