Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
