the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
