Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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