somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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