there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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