Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
