you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
