its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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