You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
