I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
