I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
