did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
