from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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