my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
