I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
