you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
