Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
