Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
