im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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