if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't think brook has ever known best
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
