The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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