So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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