i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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