worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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