Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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